The Power of Relationships in Schools

I have learned many lessons in all of my years of teaching, yet the most important has been to listen to those around me before I attempt to advise or lead them in any way. In doing so, I have been able to learn of the strengths that others bring to the table. In turn, this has allowed us to draw on those strengths to chart a path for how we may better serve our students.

Such a collaboration requires three things: compassion, selflessness, and desire to truly do what is best for the students, without ego or arrogance.

Compassion. When we approach issues from a perspective of compassion, we draw on empathy to gain understanding of others, which allows us to work with them in a way that uses that understanding to guide our approach (e.g., to soften when someone is anxious or stressed). Without compassion, we run the risk of forgetting that we are human with our own strengths and challenges that manifest in a variety of ways.

Selflessness. When we come into a situation with a focus only on the needs of self, we begin from a place of selfishness, which hinders interaction and collaboration with others. In education, as in many fields, we are called to serve our students and our community. If we come to that place of service with our focus only on what we want to accomplish, we fail in our purpose to be of service to others.

Desire to do what's best for our students. In all educational settings, the focus should always be what is best for our students. When we make the decision to place our focus anywhere else, we see our students suffer. For example, in the educational realm of today, we too often see a focus on test scores, attendance, and other data points in an effort to determine what our students need. While this has been established as an empirical measure for student achievement, it leaves out the most important part: relationship building.

This has probably been beaten to death in most schools; however, it truly is the most accurate predictor of how well students will perform. Here's the thing: it's not just about teachers' relationships with students. It's about all relationships within a school system from the superintendent to the custodians, from the seniors to the PreK students. When you find a school where the goal is to build up every person on that campus, you will see students attending classes and engaging with their teachers and classmates.

As I said, this has probably been overused in most schools to a point where teachers grow tired of hearing it. There is one part that is far too often forgotten: relationships with parents. This isn't just about teachers reaching out to parents or administrators calling parents when little Johnny is in trouble. This is about intentional outreach to parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, all of whom may be raising students who attend your school. This also includes support for teachers when they bring concerns to administration about students. Full consideration of all points-of-view is essential to ensure that concerns are handled in a manner that is best for the guidance and education of students.

Finally, this relationship building is something that we, as educators need to foster in our students. This includes not just correction, but also emotional regulation and learning. This includes helping students to learn the importance of listening to understand versus listening to respond, which has the added bonus of application to their content learning. When we and our students engage in this listening to understand, we are less likely to miss out on underlying issues and better ways to help them and ourselves.